EXAMS...not exactly my cup of tea...

Bloodshot eyes , a stomach groaning with an overdose of coffee, invectives rolling off the tongue like a car on a slick driveway, and frantically pacing the corridors at 2 am in the morning ....these are some of the scenes that you would encounter in my hostel when the exams are knocking on the door (well knocking on the door would be an overstatement,it was just 5 hours away ) ....been there, done that ...would be the verdicts of our seniors and would shrug it off with an indifferent flick of the shoulders .....but the experience is really nerve racking.

Imagine just 4 hours left and there is still a frighteningly large portion to cover ....this is the time when all common sense flies out of the window ...where logic and imagination take the back seat and its time for plain old rote learning ...well guys this is not a reflection of my dumbness (its 3 in the morning and i have to stick paper clips to my eyes from falling shut ....imagine trying to figure out some dumbass question like ...what will be the excitation current for this circuit blah...blah...blah).

Ever wondered how the human body can cope with trauma ...well its just a mystery to me too...i dont know how the hell i survive the exam day ...someday i feel like i would keel over and die in the exam hall from slogging in the previous night....24 hours without sleep ...try that out and in the exam hall you would feel like your mind has shut down all response to stimuli and is only focussed on putting your pen to the damn paper..and the cacophony of pens scrawling on the paper would lull you to sleep.

But the fun part about the exams is that you need noit cram your head with all sorts of needless information ..there is always scope for some collabaration.And also there are always reday reckoners handy during the time of exams ....
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Still wondering about how progressive the exam system has become ...DONT ..all these fancy terms are just euphemisms for cheating ...i choose to mention these terms since i have a huge female fan following and the word cheating would elicit gasps from them ...

There are 3 modes of operation for cheating and they all depend on the finesse with which you can carry out the job ....
first is the innocous looking chits concealed in the dress ...only an expert con would know how to extract as much info from the chit as possible ...you have to have that cool nonchalant look on your face while shamelessly copying from it ..any sign of tension will give you away ...NOT RECCOMENDED FOR THE WEAK HEARTED..

And for the next level of conmen there is always the scope for copying straight from the book.....but that would mean spending ungodly hours in the toilet which sometimes spells doom for them as the invigilator would suspect foulplay ...although after the legalising of Article 377 five to six boys in the same toilet cubicle would surprise not even the hardened invigilator.

For the last and true guys who are respected throughout the conmen community , they are the ones who have had a goodnight's sleep before the exam day , who can proudly retort when asked that they have'nt yet opened the polythene cover on their books....who have mastered the treacherous domain of cheating ....who have weathered any kind of situation thrown to them ....

Their chits , tucked in various parts of their apparel would seem like they are embarking on a covert CIA mission .....and etched on the backs of their palms would be the roadmap to their chits........

Once a friend of mine tried this technique but forgot the roadmap ...and ended up being caught with chits dangling from his underwear....
Well the vagaries of the exam system continue to frustrate the happy-go-lucky existance of students and every year new techniques would come up to cope with the market demand ....


One last remainder of the trauma of the morning-after-the-night-before ....I ask one of my friends ...I feel like my head is a jumbled data bank ... i dunno how i'll fare in the exams .... "well" he replies yours is atleast a data bank ......mine is data blank...


Best of luck....people for your next exams....

CLASSROOM CAPERS part 3

Actually friends this blog was due from very long time back....due to some prior commitments i haven't been able to upload as frequently as possible....

My last posts in my blog have all been about the revelry of my friends at the back ....you all thought that life in the dregs of the class was all about fun and games....but you thought wrong.
Most of the times we have to bear the brunt of many of our plans misfiring and causing some of us to be given a severe dressing down.

Did you ever have any one of those periods when everything you did backfired on you ...when bad luck came not in handfulls but in droves ????
Well sample this....
I am already late for the class and my roommate has scooted to the class with my banyan ..frantically searching through the laundry dump for a spare i come across a banyan that smells like the hostel mess dustbin(i even think i can see a cockraoach that has mutated by living in it ....you can safely assume that i disposed of it in a BIOHAZARD container.
Wearing a T shirt underneath I had to slip on my formals for the class .....
And folks this is where the fun starts .I was too busy tucking my shirt in ,that i had forgotten to look where i was going....and my foot slipped on the stairs ...my roomate was down and i came tumbling after (Poor Jack) . I was already 15 minutes late and i had skipped my breakfast. Tummy groaning and my head swimming with the constellations of Milky way ...i hobbled off to the class ..
Huffing and panting as i reached the class late and much to my consternation i found that the teacher had not showed up yet safely adhering to the IST standard (Indian Stretchable Time ).
With the humidity outside and thanks to the fans that had not been repaired since world war 2 ...i was profusely sweating and had to take off my formal shirt ....

RELIEF Tshirts are such a god send ...i could almost kiss the designer of the T shirt...it felt relly good to be in casual wear...
15 minutes into the class and the noise in the class was rising to a crescendo ...just as the noise was poised to blow the roof away ....suddenly a deathly silence enveloped the class. It was as if the class had just switched to mute..
What the hell just happened ...i was wondering ...i stood up to survey the situation ..looked back and yet i still could'nt fathom the reason for the unearthly silence ...Why so serious I shout out ?? Come on you RASCALS why did you stop your murmuring (OK murmuring would be an understatement ..it was more likely to be defined as an uproar )..

Again as i turned back to my utter horror behind me was standing the most hated and dreaded professor of our college.. Prof AN Nayak ...an insight into the man's character would in no way endear you to him either..
The most corrupt , dishonest , loud mouthed , mean teacher of all was standing behind me and i was yet to stand up and wish him....it was as if my legs had turned into deep freeze mode ...i was waiting for the earth to part so that i could be saflely embraced by terra firma ...

And then he exploded....WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ....wearing such indecent dresses to class and disturbing the sanctity of the class......

Si...Si....Si was all i could stammer ...all that vocabulary that i am proud of had vanished in an instant

And then he sighted my formal shirt on the table ...all scrunched up like a resturant washcloth....and i could hear fireworks iin the backdrop...what followed next ...i have very little recollection of ....

Something about my culture ...my family.......... and all other teacher abuses you have ever heard.He picked up the shirt with the crook of his hand and threatened to throw it out of the window. For all my readers who have read my previous blog may be knowing that what dire financial straits i am in ....and throwing a shirt out of the window would mean a serious loss from my depleted wardrobe.

And then with all the bravado and assuming airs he thundered ....D you know who i am ?? although a very insignificant question (the whole college knew about this prick of a professor)

And funnily........... as if it was an involuntary reflex i started to shake my head signlling NO.

All common sense had flown out of the window that day.

He had'n t expected such a reaction and looked as if his head was going to blow off......

I shoul have been standing with my head bowed in a posture that signalled supplication...yet i was standing with my hands in my pocket as if i was challenging him for a duel(I could have levelled him with a single blow if it came to a fight though...)

I told you all common sense had flown out of the window that day.

After the usual threats of calling my parents and all those throwing-me-out-of the hostel shit , he let me off with a wrning .My ears were ringing from such a verbal assault....

F**k You i ......wondered and was just starting to show the worldwide accepted hand gesture ....when he turned .....thank god i had the common sense to instatntly stick them into my pockets.....(Thanks to my cargoes).

Fate had already played it's fickle game with me once ...i was'nt to be fooled the nest time.....

With this i sign off repeating one of my friend's favorite adage ...LET DOWN BY LUCK ALWAYS....

see i told you now unluckily my net connection seems to have ditched me too... :(

CLASSROOM CAPERS part 2

Whew......that was a close shave ....most of my classroom shenanigans have been limited to the back benches of my own classroom.But living life off the edge is my second nature and the charm of siiting in the back of my own section soon weared off..... so yours truly visited the Manufacturing Science section .

Now that section is a totally different ballgame ...electrical consists of 72 students all bent on adding to the cacophony in the class,while Manu. had only 30 students and that too only a handful had ever dared to create a disturbance...
Walking into the class , i was greeted by my friends in Manu,happy that a BBCian was joining the ranks .And my friend Mridu had a confounded look on her face when she saw me in the class. But the class was a small one and it had no escape routes PROBLEM....
But hardcore BBCians relish the challenge...
and i had spoken too soon .....
in waltz in the Fluid dynamics ma'am and MY GGGOOODDD she was a stunner ...
if my readers had ever read my previous blog "Who said love was blind......"then they can fathom the kind of feelings that coursed through me when i saw her.
She had turned my heart to a warm fluid and i was swimming in my dreams fantasising about going on a date with her..
And then just when life seems to be all rosy ...it comes out to screw you
SURPRISE TEST she hollered ....Damn ! *&^^%$%@ (sorry guys these expletives are all censored).For the first time i am in the class and i have to appear in a surprise test ...GOD whose face had i glanced to be in such a quandry (probably my own ).And then i knew that i was to be thrown out of the class when she would see my copy.OK time for some countermeasures ....
Next to me (Thank God) was my close handsome but complete nitwit friend Lohit. OK cheating would be too harsh a word in my circumstances i would prefer to call it a technical collabaration...ok ok shamelessly cheating from him . And putting on my The-answer-is-so-close-to-my-tongue-but-i-cant-get-it look ( the teacher was fooled by my innocent face ) ,I managed to survive the class.

Todays class was a perfect recepie for a heart attack.Sweat pouring down my brow, I scooted from the class as soon as i heard the bell.
They say that fear us the perfect adrenaline rush for thrill seekers ...but i had my thrill for one class and never in the coming classes would i venture out from the safety of the back benches from my own class.