Mars vs. Venus at College

Hello all my college going readers...of course specifying the college going word is too much of a show off since most of my readers are of my college.....and i force it down their throats to read my blogs...sometimes threaten ,sometimes cajole...sometimes bribe them....well what can i say every blogger craves some attention and praise.

And since in my past few blogs I have done a vast amount of research on the MARS VS VENUS issue...let me give you an offhand account of a funny mental process that goes on in guys minds when conversing with their girlfriends....of course i have to mention a disclaimer first ...that all this part fiction and part psychology(the way i see it) and in no way is it related to me....just some of my observations...

VENUE:-COLLEGE CANTEEN

Guy breezes in with the swagger that is proof of his familiarity with the premises...slides a tenner across the table and requests the best and most secluded table for his girlfriend...and then begins his hapless wait with a constant eye on his phone....checking for any messages that may give him the slightest inkling when his princess might turn up....he orders a soft drink and nurses it for so long that after a while it begins to taste like sugar mixed in urine....(sorry for the groce description..but seriously mountain dew kept in the open for long tastes like that)

Switch to GIRL..:- Busy chatting with the teacher concerned who has already dismissed the class but is held up by the countless ...relentless ...but absolute sense LESS questions....and of course the constant bombardment of questions by the girl ...and all revolve about one theme....exam grades...the teacher may fall off the building or get strung up from a power line for all she cares.....and the teacher absolutely frustrated with the questions finally assures her that he will bestow her with the best grades available.....feminine charm scores again ....Girl smiles ...after all the new perfume did the work.....she gathers up her notes and paraphernelia and stuffs it into her survival kit....yes survival kit...everything from make up to water bottles...some extra make up and a absolute necessity for girls...no not chocolates...face wash....she once again checks her reflection in the glass of the notice board....believe me thats why girls spend atleast 10 minutes more than a guy in front of the notice board....And then she proceeds in the most slowest of gait to the canteen..careful not to walk too fast and spoiling her creases on her newly ironed dress....and careful to walk away from open spaces lest her perfumes fragrance gets lost in the dust and grime of the college.

Switch to GUY:- has counted how many plates of maggi have been ordered by all other patrons...has read, re- read and memorised the menu and the prices...and calculated the percentage breakdown of each dish and calculated the average cost of the total food items...calculated the investments and estimated the turnover of the canteen...and is in the mental process of preparing a financial data sheet for the canteen .....of course in the meanwhile he has ogled at all the girls present there....and stared at all of them hoping for a glance and smile in his direction ..and after countless failed attempts...has returned grudgingly to a mind numbing task of the canteen financial records....and just then....his girlfriend walks in....WOW is all the guy manages...his impeccable vocabulary fails him...his dashing and suave persona which charms other girls says goodbye to him...and there he is standing like an idiot grinning like a fool ...and wide eyed admiring the beauty of his girlfriend.

GIRL:-The moment she walks in she starts about the weather,the heat,the shabbiness of the canteen,the unwashed plates,the stench, according to her nothing is right in the college canteen...and then she starts about the shabbiness of the guy...alludes to his 4 day old stubble..

GUY:- Yeah but i am growing a beard...inspired by Johnny Depp ..and besides a beard is a sign of erudition....a sign of a leader...a true people's man.....

GIRL:- Nonsense!!!! you look like an unwashed fool...cut it today she shrieks....

GUY:- Yeah OK(And then he thinks...shit!!! there goes my cool look...man i so wanted to look like Che Guevera this time)and then the guy sheepishly tries to plead for an extension by one month .....

GIRL:- When I say today ...I MEAN TODAY.....(By now people from different tables are staring at him....and he sinks three inches into his chair...)

GUY:-(THINKS)...how i wish dinosaurs were still alive..and one could eat me up right now..so that i can be spared the ignominy of this beard debate.

Ok Ok Ok ill cut it positively..i swear on the graves of my dead ancestors that i will be clean shaven in the next 24 hours.

GIRL:-Good...and get rid off the Tshirt ....looks horrendous..

GUY:-Hey but this is my favorite Linkin Park Tshirt....and Mike Shinoda is my favorite

GIRL:-He looks like a moron ...and you look like a bigger moron..

GUY:-(THINKS)...how i wish a dinosaur would eat her up too...

BUT!!!!!! he pleads...

GIRL(THINKS...Oh no touchy subject...favorite band...favorite singer....force wont work now...resort to SOB tactics)...and then she justs sniffs...dabs her eyes...her lips bend slightly down and her eyes just brim with the hint of tears.....Won't You do it for me?? Won't you listen to my request..

GUY:-Hey hey hey...Yeah ill burn the Tshirt now if you want..besides i intend to donate it to my room mate...don't worry this is the last time i wear it..and he thinks...(there goes my favorite tee....should have listened to mom when she told me that it looks awful)....so now the Guy tries to salvage some of the conversation that has till now been mostly BOYFRIEND BASHING.....So how was your day??...he asks innocently....unaware of the barrage gates that were waiting to open..

GIRL:-Where do i start?? Today i woke up late....and you never even called me ...and then i had to wait in line for ten minutes in the bathroom.(GUY thinks...as if i want to spend my early tranquil morning hour trying to wake you up.).. I could'nt find my clothes bucket....i could only find two of my three buckets...(GUY thinks.........WHAAAAAAAAAT!!!! You have three individual buckets....our whole wing of 18 people has three buckets..)..I had decided to shampoo my hair...but could'nt find my hair conditioner and hair lotion and i had run out of face wash (GUY thinks....and all i need in the morning is a bar of soap...hell i even still don't know with whose brush i had brushed my teeth today)and then there was sandwich for breakfast...well you know how i hate sandwiches...(GUY thinks sarcastically....yeah you hate sandwiches...as if you got croissants and french bread every day at home)And then you know how the auto driver tried to cheat us...he charged us three rupees...THREE RUPEES can you believe it ?? DAYLIGHT ROBBERY...she thumps her hand on the table and the last dregs of the cold drink that the guy had ordered before....spills on to his lap....Girl still unmindful of her boyfriends plight goes on about how she was robbed off her three rupees...(GUY thinks...oh so when i had to pay three hundred on our last date...that too when you ate almost all of the order...that was not robbery.)

GIRL is still going on jabbering non stop ...when the guy's cell begins to vibrate...his roomamte has messaged him the score of todays ongoing match...."Dude where are you??? Sachin and Sehwag are going hammer and tongs at the bowling"....the message reads...and you message him back....dude my girlfriend is going hammer and tongs at me.....to which a reply comes back...so sad!!!! and yes i ate your biscuit packets ....we had no pop corn...and besides the batting is explosive today.....

GUY thinks sarcastically....WOW my lucky day....

GIRL ...who pauses to catch her breath suddenly notices the guy is silent....and she thinks...he is silent...he really must be having a difficult time ...bad grades and no money now..besides he was mentioning he had fever last night..

GUY is thinking...good thing she turned silent...MAN!!!! Sehwag must have recovered after that injury...hope he does not try to square cut uppishly today...he got out in the same fashion ...last match

GIRL is thinking...i hope he is feeling well...now he is furrowing his brow...must be really painful for him coming to class after his fever...

GUY furrowing his brow and typing furiously under the table....ok dude whats the score now...and praying that neither of the sachin sehwag duo has fallen....and then comes a reply...dude hurry...you are going to miss the match of a lifetime.

Guy looks at the canteen counter and sees a knife on it...and he seriously thinks of killing her...then he hits upon a plan...he fishes out his mobile from under the table and now looks real tense...yeah mom he screams into his phone..

Instantly the girl stiffens at the sound of the word of MOM...GUY smiles...good..and he just walks out of earshot...he comes back and tells her a cock and bull story about some relative of his ending up in the hospital.

The girl is all mellow and reaches her hand out to console him.....but the guy is already at the counter ...GUY thinks...Ok your feminine charm wont work now..

GIRL:- I am so sorry...hope he gets well soon..please go...ill go back to the hostel...you please make haste and reach the hospital..

GUY thinks...yeah you are sorry.....you will be so sorry if any one of the wickets has fallen..

GUY desperately pays the bill as the girl leaves..KEEP the change he hollers.....and is gone in the blink of an eye....the canteen guy is smiling...i need more customers like this he thinks....

GUY reaches his hostel.....first switches off his phone...then writes on his calender..."never to go on a date during cricket season"..and reaches the TV room just in time....

GUYS ROOMMATE....wow you made it...so what did you tell her??

GUY:-Who cares??..so did Sehwag show his pyrotechnics today...the question is left hanging as the hostel crowd erupts as Sehwag hits another six.

So readers sometimes the feminine charm does tend to overwhelm us martians ...but at the end of the day..its our minds that keep us in our place...for martians think with their heads and venusians with their hearts...

Cheerio folks.

THE BURLA BARISTA

WARNING READERS...if u don't like this blog...then please feel free to blame one of my nerdy friends ..NAMRATA..who has vested upon me the title of BLOGBABA ...just to taunt me for sitting on one blog for almost 2 months...well Nerd Nemo here goes.......

The sickeningly sweet aromas flirting with your olfactory senses....the cheerful banter and raucous laughter emanating from nowhere.....the clink of unwashed tea glasses....and the nauseating stench of nicotine wafting towards the heavens...the ambiance is truly exotic....

Welcome to the badlands of Burla...and welcome to the nerve centre of college life...BULU TEA INC....the swanky glazed tin shop loaded with all kinds of goodies to endear to the college crowd..an 8 seater barista with open roof seating and personalised valet service with debit and credit system...customised greeting as one walks in and supersonic delivery....what more could a college kid want??? And at the helm of it all the managing director... Mr.Bulu Sahoo and vice president of operations, logistics,supply chain,marketing,sales and finance all rolled into one...Mr. Munna...and both are likely to make it to the cover of TIMES magazine...BULU...TEA BARON and Munna..youngest VP......ok i think i should pull back to reality now....

First let me give you a peek into the wardrobe of the patrons here and you will come crashing back to reality...

...seriously Armani , Gucci , Raymonds would shed a fortune just to get a fix into the eclectic and vibrant dress..

An unwashed tee shirt covered with stains from not only the mess(God bless the food), from the roadside dhaba, from the Gupchup stalls, unwashed lipstick stains on the Tshirt(Dont ask me how it got there), and from our very own dingy workshop...and of course half of the t shirt would be tearing at the seams after years of unwashed neglect....shorts that resemble the tattered and torn clothes from the tsunami survivors...and of course unkempt hair and a grizzled beard..again alluding to the unwashed state its patrons are in most of the times...

And then coming to the debit and credit system that is a lifeline for cash strapped kids like me..Bulu bhai as he is fondly known as maintains a dog eared register with most of his patrons names inscribed in scrawny handwriting.And a cursory glance at this register would make you gape in awe..his daily transactions make you wonder in amazement...heck this guy has more sales than an upmarket coffee joint.And Bulu bhai has an amazing memory about the financial transactions of his regular patrons..and even if he forgets he just fills in an average amount that just about equal to the daily spending habits of us guys.

Most of his sales are cigarette and pudia sales but when he has patrons like me who gulp down 15 cups of tea and 5 biscuits and 2 packets of mixture and 1 glass of Jaljira to gulp it down...That register contains the accounts of all its patrons that have visited him since the day he set shop at burla....and mark my words that his register will go down in the Burla hall of fame when VSSUT celebrates its diamond jubilee....:)

But what really endears Bulu bhai to the college crowd is the ambiance of the shop....here you dont need to worry about your dressing sense..you dont need to worry about your appearance ..(although you may look like you just walked out of a coal mine and then assaulted by aliens).. it does not matter whether you got a bad grade or had a fight with your girlfriend (it requires around 3 cigarettes to cheer up ...it does'nt matter whether you have cash in your wallet or you have the appetite for anything...it's a great place to unwind...the jokes about the faculty, the unrelenting leg pulling of the committed guys,the discussion about the latest tantrums thrown by the girls of your branch(never ending tantrums mind you... :P) one cup of tea,one puff of that gold flake,a pinch of pudia from a friend is enough to set your mood right

And the best thing about the place is that you dont need to have cash on your person to visit the place....sometimes you can just go and hang out there and ask for a sip of the tea...a drag of a cigarette and a pinch of that pudia...or just snatch way two biscuits from your buddies while they are having one....barring the cigarette and pudia asking i have done all the above...it feels great when you have absolutely no cash but still walk away after your "borrowed -without-permission" meal ...once i remember Nitesh dropped a biscuit packet by mistake and i had to battle it out with my canine friends to retrieve the biscuit packet.I was pulling at the packet and the dog wouldnt even budge...i had to resort to a solid kick before i could claim the spoils of glory.

And for most of us at Burla life wouldnt start in the morning without the morning cuppa...walking on the road bleary eyed at 7 am in the morning...perching precariously on the flimsy wooden bench and ordering...well sometimes you just dont need to order...your morning starter...whether a tea or cigarette is ready...thanks to Bulu bhai who knows all his patrons whims and fancies by heart...further what endears Bulu to the VSSUT crowd is that Bulu bhai is a gregarious guy who always has an anecdote up his sleeve..mostly about our faculty and students....the committed guys are the worst hit with special songs and jokes dedicated on their behalf...of course half of the stories are laced with so much melodrama and tall stories that the patrons wonder whether half of it ever happened....

But the best part of Bulu bhai's location that its bang in the middle of the road...and the long bench that its patrons frequent has an excellent view of the people plying on the roads...correction its not people...i meant an excellent view of our college girls(no pun intended)....it doesnt matter whether the girl is a senior or junior...whether the guy himself is a junior or senior...the comments flow thick and fast through that air...some of the times its been a genuine compliment to the girl...although the compliment gets dissolved in the flurry of comments that follow...and all through these years i've been observing the faces of the girls...mostly its apprehension...mostly disgust...sometimes a sly smile...sometimes a malicious glance...but hell whenever there is an incident involving a girl and a comment i am the one who inadvertently gets dragged into the affair...and i have never opened my mouth while sitting there...i was too busy enjoying the delicacies there...
But i have been guilty of admiring the view ...that i confess too....yet again no pun intended.. :P

And as i dash off to class after a hurried morning tea cup that too with my bowels groaning under the pressure of last night's food......as i amble down for an evening cup...walk back dejected after a horrible exam performance....sometimes walk arms akimbo after a successful fest..or just hang out with friends....

At the end of the day ....it does'nt matter whether the tea tastes good...or the biscuit is damp...what matters is the times i have spent there.....after one year ill be packing my bags and heading off to some distant land...but the memories will still linger ...like the smoke rings that engulf Bulus' in the evening.The raucous laughter and merry banter will forever hang in the air for years to come....for years to come...whenever i would wake up in the mornings...i would still feel someone tugging at my sleeve dragging me to Bulu...thats the magic of the place..the magic of Burla Barista.

Happy Summer Holidays folks..............