EXPRESSIONS

What do you do when your faith in yourself is questioned? What do you do when at one moment you are flying and the next you feel as if you are spiralling out of control? What do you do when you are faced with two extremely difficult choices and making one choice would forever change the face of things to come?? How does it feel when your inner turmoil has led you to the brink of despondency?? whom do you trust ?? whom do you suspect? How does it feel to have your sleep assailed with doubts that threaten to pull into a never ending limbo of confusion??

It is never easy to stare forward into the abyss and yet look back at the deep sea...making a choice that would throw your life into a whirlwind. How do you feel when someone else's mistake is condoned as yours.How do you feel when you ruminate over what has happened and wring your hands in despair?

The pain is excruciating.How do you feel when something silly gets into something serious?? who do you turn to ?? what do you turn into?? Do you question your own convictions?? Do you rant and rave and make anger as a catharsis to your pain?? Do you retreat into a cocoon of your own?? Do you live in a self created mode of self denial and behave as if everything is alright??how do you feel when your own mind is the scene of the crime???

How do you feel when your head is full of these questions all clamoring for an answer??

People may see your happy and cheerful facade and think you are the picture of equanimity...but seldom they realise that you are facing hell.Your cheerfullness may be mistaken for nonchalance ...for aloofness...for being self centred....for being unattached and unemotional...

It feels so lonely when people think that you are untouched by suffering and do not warrant a second glance..Your facade may be ice cool but the embers are simmering underneath and it needs very little to be stoked into a fire. And you cant open up just for the fear of unknowingly offending somebody. Jokes made at you may be rib tickling for the audience and you may dish out a wry smile but actually it was gut wrenching for you. A combination of ice and nice people say when they talk about you...they know you will forgive them for the mistakes they committed on you...they stick that label and blatantly go ahead without a thought.

They know that being your friend has absolved them of all their crimes on you. What do you do then??

And I beleive there is only one thing that can be done..once you have your head and heart in your right place and faith in your own decision...you dont worry about trifles. If you believe in something..if you are committed to a cause...if you have taken a decision you know is right then stick to your conviction...life will always deal out a bad card...life will always be a sinusoid...All you have to do is take a firm step..One that does not endanger your relations with people around you and also is in tandem with your belief.

It is this semblance that is required when you are treading on eggshells.....never be afraid to confront..you will be afraid for a few minutes..but choose not to run away ..you will be afraid your whole life...

Of course it will take some time...your past mistakes may take time to heal the festering wounds...you may be distanced from those you deem close ...but that would be momentary.Never hurt the person whom you believe will walk with you through hell and back. That person deserves that much support from you atleast.Change your self a wee bit, let go of that obstinacy, be a little more considerate and you find things simply falling into place.You may have been accused of mistakes that you never caused, but by doing whats right you will get that chance to redeem yourself.

When Alexander was asked about his conquests he simply replied ..."I don't make right decisions,I take a decision and make it right"...this guy ruled the world. If you can follow in his footsteps I am sure you would too...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FOLKS